The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Least Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Anthony’s Take)

3smallSo we got a bit sidetracked last week, what with all the sugar-fueled love (except for my brother who suckles black bile from the teat of the beast every morning); but now it’s time to get back to what we here at Sweep-the-Leg do best.

Crap on completely theoretical concepts.

That right – it’s time to revisit our “Most Deserving Star Wars Stand-Alone” concept and take a walk on the Dark Side. Here are the characters that we hope the mouse shoves into a Sarlacc Pit to digest for a thousand years.

Come here often, do you?

Come here often, do you?

3) Yoda – You know what was awesome about Yoda in the original trilogy? He was this wizened hermit who dispensed ancient wisdom while wielding a power that was completely disproportionate to his appearance. Judge him by his size, we did, and the crotchety green bastard proved us so very wrong. Now, you know what was awesome about Yoda in the prequels? Not a fucking thing. He went from wizened hermit to green Force pinball, who’s grammatically challenged speech seems like more of a pompous affectation (I swear Windu rolls his eyes whenever Yoda starts talking. You can just hear the mental dialogue: “This shit again? Goddamnit, Yoda, you speak Common better than half the Senate. Your name isn’t even ‘Yoda!’ It’s Bob!”). Need to see more of him, we do not. And the first time he makes googly-eyes at some other shrively green whatever he is, I will eviscerate myself with a lightsaber. Continue reading

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The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Most Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Adam’s Take)

3smallWe here at the Sweep The Leg were looking for a way to discuss the new Star Wars stand alone movies (one being penned by Lawrence Kasdan). Rumor is a Yoda movie. Meh. Another is that Lucas is pitching a Jabba one. Double Meh (triple in that I want Lucas as far away as possible). Instead of rehashing old news and rumors we thought we’d go a step further. Let’s talk the three characters most deserving of a Stand Alone film (and, I’m going with the theory that Han, Luke, and Leia are “saga only” characters. So, no “Space Solo” or something, although, if I wanted a stand alone Solo film I think Anthony has the best take on it here.):

rogues1) Wedge Antilles – a completely side character who is overshadowed in the Trilogy. But he completely shines in the books. Further adventures of Wedge (and Rogue Squadron) would rock. I loved Stackpole’s (and Allston’s) X-Wing book series (a new one came out last year…mental reminder: need to pick that up) and could make a great stand alone movie. It doesn’t need to follow the books – just the idea of following Wedge and the Rogues. You have a character with some name value (among the core fanbase) and a fleet (in Rogue Squadron) that can have cinematic legs (and get Disney merchandise execs drooling over toy tie-ins). Added bonus, depending on how far in the future Episodes VII, VIII, and IX are, you can seed this movie with back-story for those saga films.

2) Lando – here’s a character with a shadowy back story. We know he’s a gambler and once owned the Falcon but that’s about it (and, yes, I know there is more about him in the books – I just don’t care.) He somehow gets control of a mining community. That’s an interesting transition. I’m intrigued how that happens. The only thing is that I’m sick of prequels (everywhere) so…whereas I like this, I can easily live without it. Although, if we do lando_smoothanother prequel-based movie, how about “Jango Unchained” with an early Jango Fett story? Where he learns to become a Bounty Hunter after being freed from a chain gang (probably by a nice Hutt)? Added bonus if Mace Windu is in it.

3) Someone new. What a cop out! I don’t even name anyone! Go me! Here’s the thing: the sequel trilogy will take place at some point in the future. There will be (ostensibly) new characters. More importantly, there will be new characters introduced in Episode VIII and IX that weren’t in any previous movie (like VII). Why not a full origin or a character (or world, or story line) that is pivotal in the sequel trilogy? For instance, in the original trilogy, there could have been a movie before “Empire” that introduces us to Lando. Or, a movie before “Jedi” that follows Lando/Chewie searching for Han. Things that flesh out the next trilogy, without being a prequel later.

What do you think? Who’s most deserving of a film? Next week we’ll see who is least deserving (and I’ll try and not serious pitch Jar Jar in a remake of “Public Enemy”).

The Threeway: Top 3 Things to Dread About J.J. Abrams’ “Star Wars”

3smallSo apparently the interwebs blew up last night with the rumor that J.J. Abrams is in line to direct “Star Wars: Episode VII – A New Cash Cow.” While attaching a big name director this early in the process is par for the course, and has a high probability to shift at some point, I’m fairly happy with the news. I have enjoyed Abrams’ work for a while and his revitalization of “Star Trek” left me hopeful for the franchise’s future.

But then this wouldn’t be Sweep the Leg if I just said I was pleased and left it that; now, would it?

So here’s a quick and dirty Threeway of the things I’m dreading the most from the upcoming Abrams-led sequel.

3. Lightsabers will consist of nothing but lens flare.

2. Old Yoda will travel back in time to convince Young Yoda to not let Anakin train. There will be lots of long, uncomfortable shots where we’re convinced they’re about to make out.

1. Non-nerds will never, ever correctly identify “Star Wars” and “Star Trek” again.

Final Punch: Lemon Pepper

Wow, your post is all over the map. You want your daughter to have female superhero role models that kick ass, not just have a pretty one? That’s the argument? And you cite Avengers? Where Black Widow takes out like a billion armed soldiers? That wasn’t the ass kicking you were looking for? You need Pepper in Iron too?

You have some strange fetishes.

I agree that Pepper helps make the Stark character. I got that. Here’s the problem – in 1 she’s a secretary. She’s the thing that keeps Tony in check. She even gets a good a good line (the taking out the trash one). In 2 she’s promoted to CEO of a multi-national, billion dollar publicly traded company. WHAT? As a character she’s completely out of her element. NOW she’s also going to put on a suit and fly around and save the day? In comic book world – fun idea. In movie world – bad idea.

For instance:

  1. Good Superman vs Bad Superman – comics, good idea. In Superman III – bad idea.
  2. Yoda in a light saber duel – fanboy wet dream – good idea. In the prequels – bad idea.

I could go on, but I won’t. The point is that you need to be grounded somewhere. Pepper is what grounds Tony. If she’s off saving the world… he loses that.

I say let your daughter look at Pepper CEO. Aspire to that. If you want her to kick ass… let her model Hit Girl.