The Threeway: Top 3 Sci-Fi/Fantasy Couples (Anthony’s Take)

3smallWe here at The Threeway understand that the community at large has varying opinions on February 14. Some see it as a schmaltzy Hallmark-manufactured holiday to be reviled, others see it as an opportunity to express their love and (hopefully) not be pepper-sprayed, still others see it as the day before Discount-Candyageddon (that fateful day when wallets and waistlines begin a devious inverse relationship).

But lets put all that aside for now and take a look at what really matters this Valentine’s Day: our favorite sci-fi/fantasy couples.

Zoe&Wash3. Zoe & Wash, “Firefly” – Alright, let’s get this out of the way, if you’re looking for gut-wrenching, kick-you-in-the-teeth relationship dynamics, you need go no farther than Joss Whedon. Honestly I could easily make this list all Whedon couples and be completely satisfied. But I’ll limit myself to one (maybe two). Zoe and Wash sport a wonderful mix of swapped gender roles (Joss loves to toy with those). But where in many hands a “hard woman, sensitive man” dynamic comes off as preachy and sensationalistic, Whedon gives us characters that are deeply comfortable with each other and with their relationship. Indeed, watching them mess with people’s heads when they try to pick at the couple is one of the things that made “Firefly” work so well.  Continue reading

The Threeway: Top 3 Christmas Specials (Adam’s Take)

3smallHO HO HO! Merry (early) Christmas. To help get you in the Holiday mood, we’re doing our Threeway on the Top 3 Christmas Specials. In grand tradition, however, none of us are sure if that is the Best 3, the Worst 3 or something else entirely. Should be fun.

I’m going with “something else entirely.” These are my three favorite Christmas themed clips/specials. The power of Youtube is in my hands!

#3 – Mr. Bean – The Nativity. Mr. Bean is simply brilliant. The over childlike and impish behavior is a dazzlingly joy to watch. I thought I was funny putting Humphrey Bogart in my manger scene. Bean has a host of toys that makes this best Nativity you’ll ever see. It’s the best 3 minutes you’ll spend today (and, yes, even more than the three minutes spent on the “Pacific Rim” trailer):

#2 – South Park – The Spirit of Christmas. This narrowly beats out the “South Park” Mr. Hanky episode. Solely because this is thing that started it all. This “Christmas Card” tackles the age old question of who would win, Santa or Jesus. Yes, this is a tad sacrilegious, but it is still incredibly funny:

#1 – “Star Wars Holiday Special” – Not many people have seen this atrocity. And, that is a shame. Everyone should be tortured with this at least once. Before the prequels dove into how bad of a filmmaker George Lucas really was, the “Star Wars Holiday Special” gave us a glimpse. Aired only once, the story follows Chewie’s family on “Life Day” as they await Chewie to come home. 90% of the dialogue is in Wookie. The other 10% comes from Art Karney and Bea Arthur (I only wish I was making this up). And, it included special music numbers, like this:

The Threeway: Top 3 ThinkGeek T-Shirts (Janie’s Take)

If I’m not mistaken, this week’s Threeway came about since the guys figured it would 3smallmake my “loins hum like a tuning fork.”  And oh, they weren’t wrong.

ThinkGeek = wondrous

ThinkGeek + apparel = loin-humming fantasticalness

A t-shirt (Stay Calm and STFU) made my Top 3 last week. But I had no problem finding three more for this week, I just let my humming loins guide me.

geek_inside_maternity#3: As the token gal in our little group, I feel like I need to represent the women and the wee-ones. So this. I totally would’ve worn this back in my baby-making days. (Of course, if you see me in it now, it’s referring to a geeky alien). Continue reading

The Threeway: Things We Want to See from Disney/Lucasfilm Merger (Anthony’s Take)

While I might not be quite as giddy about the Disney/Lucasfilm merger as my compatriot (though I argue that few could reach his level of fervor); I’m still overjoyed to see my favorite properties ripped from Lucas’ midget/amputation fetishist hands (Seriously, if the man could have made all of “Jedi” nothing but Ewoks running around and cutting each other’s arms off, he would have).

A lot of what I want has already been hinted at or announced, so let’s break down what’s got me hot and bothered and what could send me into a rapturous geek fit. (Any and all similarities to Adam’s list are unintentional…even though it appears I copied him entirely.)

3) Episode VII – When I first heard that Disney wanted a new Star Wars movie by 2015, I assumed that they would be shoe-horning even more narrative into the increasingly packed timeframe between the trilogies. When I heard that we would finally be lighting off into the unknown territory AFTER the original trilogies, I was ecstatic. Lucas has said that he “always” had treatments for Episodes 7-9. I don’t know that I necessarily believe that; but by now he certainly has something down. And one thing that Lucas is great at is coming up with ideas that are otherworldly and familiar at the same time. What he’s not so great at anymore is translating those ideas to screen. So his ideas of “what happened next” to the characters he originally saw as the stars of this universe, paired with some solid directorial talent…? Where’s the line start? I’ll be first.

2) Indiana Jones and the Journey into that Long Goodnight – Please, for all that is holy, let Indy go. Maybe make a cartoon about “Young Indy” or even release a game that keeps the property alive; but let’s just agree that Harrison Ford had an amazing run and shouldn’t have to don the fedora again (unless he’s doing it for kinky reasons…which, can you blame him?).

1) Star Wars Land – Adam took the more logical, rational route in that he suggested Disney revitalize Hollywood Studios with Star Wars properties. For me, that is not nearly far enough. There are several undeveloped parcels of land on property in Orlando that could be used to create an entire Star Wars theme park. I’ve seen what the Imagineers can do with a teeny corner of a park (that AT-AT gets me every single time I round the bend); I want to walk through the ships and locales that I’ve only seen on screen. There could be Empire and Rebellion themed sections! They could base the sections on the various planets! Hell, they could even put a dumpster out back and label it “Prequels.” I would never, ever leave.

EVER.

The Threeway: Most Inappropriate “Sexy” Costumes (Janie’s Take)

First of all, I want to say I think this is an asinine Threeway. BECAUSE THERE ARE NO INAPPROPRIATE SEXY COSTUMES WHEN IT COMES TO HALLOWEEN. I say: get your inner slut on, ladies.

Of course, anybody who knows me is not actually surprised to hear those words come out of my mouth. But really there’s not much of a need for words in this post, because it’s not like anyone is reading them. If you are, you’re really missing the point, silly person.

And A1 secretly likes all these costumes. Don’t let his “Moral Brigade” post fool you. He would dress his wife up as Sexy Chucky any day.

Before I start I would like to give an Honorable Mention to the “Pocahottie” Pocahontas costume I found. The costume wasn’t memorable. But – “Pocahottie.” Smirk. Giggle. Love it.

#3 Sexy TMNT  – This one is actually for A1 because he was so traumatized that our site gets so many hits from people searching for TMNT porn.  This ought to help.

 

 

 

#2 Because let’s face it. Robin was always a bitch anyway.

#1 Pop quiz, hot shot: could you really take Burt and Ernie home and do all sorts of terribly wonderful things (the braids, oh Gawd, the braids!!) and not be scarred for life every time the Sesame Street theme came on? What do you do? What do you do?

The Threeway: Most Inappropriate “Sexy” Costumes (Anthony’s Take)

Ooops! Looks like The Threeway is a little late this week. To make it up to you, we’re going to give you nerds what you want (based on the often horrifying search phrases you use to find our site): sexy costumes.

But not just any sexy costumes, mind you! These are the most mind-bendingly inappropriate costumes that a person could shamefully drape themselves in. We’re talking things like Sexy Pebbles (the baby from Flintstones), Sassy Big Bird, and Sexy Strawberry Shortcake. (And I’m sorry ladies, but do you know what’s the exact opposite of sexy? Every off-the-shelf men’s costume ever. I tried, but they all just looked like oversized children’s costumes.)

Oh, and suffice to say, if you find any of these arousing, you are a horrible, horrible person and should probably go get counseling immediately.

3) Sassy Bumblebee – I admit, there were costumes that were much worse than this, but I chose this one mostly because of the model’s face. She doesn’t even know how to make this sexy! You can just hear the internal dialogue “Really? This is what gets you hot and bothered? REALLY? …fucking nerds.”

 

 

2) Sassy Bambi – Because you know what men find attractive? Underage forest animals who watched their mother get shot to death in front of them. Rowrrrrrr.

 

 

1) Naughty Nem-Oh – No. Just…no. Ladies, I’m going to give you some advice. You wear this at a party and some guy starts eyeing you, then invites you back to his aquarium? You kick him in the junk and run away. Immediately.

 

 

 

 

BONUS ROUND!

Just because there wasn’t quite enough nightmare fuel in this list (it is a Halloween list, after all), here’s Sexy Chucky; because…oh, Ill be fucked if I know.

Sweet dreams, sickos!

The Threeway: Best TV Halloween Episodes/Specials (Anthony’s Take)

I’m of two minds on “Special Halloween Episodes.” On one hand, I love Halloween and I especially love seeing characters in shows that I like get silly over the holiday. On the other, I’m old and cranky and have seen enough “tee-hee, those guys are in costume!” episodes to last me a lifetime. Also, the episodes where wacky, weird stuff happens that’s totally out of continuity? Sorry, but you’ve just lost a viewer. If you’re going to pull the Halloween tag, you’d better make it stick.

3) Let start things off on a lighter note – “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!” is classic Halloween animation at its finest. That thrill of being someone, something else and then getting free candy that you could eat as much as you want? That right there is enough to propel Halloween into the greatest of all holidays in a kid’s mind. What really makes “Great Pumpkin” stick is that Charles Schultz captures that childhood joy; without all the baggage that adults have foisted onto it over the last few decades. And lest things tip over into the sickly-sweet, there’s always Charlie Brown’s frequent lamentation of “I got a rock;” a phrase that has shown up in nearly every Halloween-themed anything in the past 20 years.  And the fact that I dressed my son up in a sheet with a couple of holes in it and considered it a costume…well, let’s just say it wasn’t lazy parenting as much as it was an homage to a beloved Halloween special of my youth.

Please?

Actual Size

2) Not unsurprisingly, “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” is always near and dear to my heart when October rolls around. In the second season, the Scooby Gang found themselves trapped as manifestations of their costumes. Two seasons later, the gang again find themselves trapped, except this time in a frat house possessed by a manifesting fear demon (wonderfully, we start off with Xander dressed up as a secret agent/head waiter “just in case” the costume thing happens again). Season Four was uneven at best, but “Fear, Itself” was one of the bright spots. Anya’s fear of bunnies? Discovered when she deadpans to Xander “Bunnies frighten me.” Giles’ maturation from staid librarian/Watcher to something a bit more independent? I can’t be the only one that cheered a little when, instead of finding a more subtle way to find a way into the frat house, Giles sawed through the wall with a chainsaw. And as each of the Scoobies are faced with their own worst fears, we get juicy insights into what makes all of them tick. The “jokey” ending belied the seriousness of the episode (“They’re all going to leave you, you know.”), but a lot of what was good about Season Four (and beyond) has roots in this episode.

Heeeeere’s, Wesly

1) Simple fact is, no one does Halloween like the Whedon-verse. And the “Angel” Season Three episode, “Billy,” is no exception. Except that it isn’t overly Halloweeny. There are no decorative streamers. There are no gory monsters or clattering skeletons. There’s nary a costume in sight. So why does this ep get my number one spot? Wes and Fred.

This was the episode where Wes finally admitted that he had romantic stylings on our poor Winifred; which, for any Whedonite, is a flashing warning sign that horrible things are about to happen. And horrible things do happen. The titular character (who Angel had busted out of Hell in a previous ep, natch) is able to “infect” the males around him with the worst kind of misogyny; the kind where they feel justified in belittling and physical harming the women around them. Watching Wes come under Billy’s thrall, watching that formerly sweet passion turn rancid, is one of the most genuinely horrifying things I’ve seen done to Wes (who is no stranger to having horrible things done to him). The scene at the end between Wes and Fred, when we’re realizing just what has been lost, is heartbreaking, haunting, and genuinely gives me chills. It might not be the most in-your-face Halloween episode; but I find that to be part of its charm. It proves that you don’t need a gallon of blood to make something terrifying; just have a man betray his deepest intentions and watch him turn into the person he swore he’d never become.

The Threeway: Best Halloween Candies (Janie’s Take)

Halloweens, in general, are some of my fondest childhood memories. I was raised in South Florida in a rather strict religious household. But for whatever reason, my parents didn’t get caught up in the “Halloween is the Devil’s heyday” hoopla. They basically understood Halloween for what it was:

A chance for kids to get free candy.

Each Halloween my brother and I planned methodically how we would hit each group of houses in our neighborhood so that we could reach as many as possible in our limited time. I daresay efficiency and productivity engineers could not have better planned our Halloween strategies. After all, we were a couple of kids who regularly got fruit for dessert. Halloween was all about getting as much candy as possible. And then trading with each other to get more of our favorites. Pure joy.

So when we talk about Top 3 Halloween candies today, I do it with reverence.

#3: Candy necklaces. Sure it tasted like plain sugar, but who cares? This was one of my favorites because you could take it with you. Portable candy that never had to leave your body — what more could a kid want?  Possible downside: you sometimes got in trouble because even though your mom gave you permission to eat it, she didn’t deal well with finding you still eating it seven hours later while in bed. But worth any trouble it caused.

#2 Full Size Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. God bless the people who gave out full-size Reese’s packets for Halloween. In our neighborhood, we were known for changing costumes and heading back to those houses to get more (and it didn’t have to be just Reese’s, we went back to any house giving full-size candy bars; but Reese’s were my favorite).  As adults, we know how fattening and bad for you these are. But as kids, was heaven ever any closer?

#1: Blow Pops. First it’s candy, then it’s gum. Two for one. Made it the greatest Halloween candy ever. 

The Threeway: Best Halloween Candies (Adam’s Take)

If there was ever a Threeway that I was set up to fail – this is it. How’s that for a lead? Dear readers – read this! I’m declaring this article suck mountain!

I’m a big candy guy (who isn’t). The problem is that I’m a boring candy guy. I like what I like, regardless of whether it is Halloween or not. Plus, I’m picky, so I usually hate variety offshoots of stuff (like Halloween Oreos, for instance. I know that’s not candy, but they prove the point, and I just saw their hideousness staring at me at Walmart). I also don’t like most Holiday-themed treats. I don’t like Candy Corn, Peeps, or whatever candy item is associated with Christmas. I also eat candy…strangely.

Well curmudgeon man, what are your favorite Halloween candies?

#3 – Twix. I’m a sucker for anything caramel. Or anything with a cookie. Twix has them both! Added bonus, I like to deconstruct candy in stages. So, a Twix bar can last awhile. I’ll eat the top chocolate and caramel first. I then nibble the chocolate off the sides. Finally I put it out of its misery by eating the cookie. Some say this is a torturous way to eat a piece of candy. Glorious.

#2 – Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – Why? Because there is no wrong way, to eat a cross sectionReese’s. Much like Twix bars, I eat these in stages too. I nibble off the edges first. Then, i do my best to eat the top layer of chocolate. Then the bottom. So, I’m left with a gooey peanut butter blob. Then I eat that. Yea, I know, I have food issue. Glorious.

#1 – Nerds. Specifically those little boxes of Nerds. I eat them like a candy shot. Rip open the top and slam the entire box at once. Then, to make the experience last, I shove all the Nerds into the top parts of my cheeks (like a chipmunk) and I slowly suck on them – extracting all the artificial flavor that I can. This is a painstaking process that can last a good 10 minutes if I’m lucky. Some say it is a disgusting way to eat a box of candy. Glorious.

The Threeway: Best Horror Movies (Janie’s Take)

I have to admit I’m not a big horror fan.  Maybe it’s because I have four kids…. No torture Freddy Krueger devised could possibly be worse than the time all four of my kids had the flu and diarrhea at the same time and my husband was out of town.

That’s horror, people.

So, some of my choices may be a little non-traditional.

3) Silence of the Lambs. This movie just proves there doesn’t have to be aliens or monsters or hockey masks to scare the living crap out of you.  I never really thought of this movie as horror until last summer when I went to Madame Toussaud’s Wax Museum in Hollywood. One of the figures was Hannibal Lecter, just sort of standing by himself near a corner. They had footprints on the floor right in front of him  about 12 inches from his toes, indicating where you should stand.  Even knowing he was just a wax figure (and was not going to eat my face off like he did that poor prison guard) could not make me stand in those footsteps. Seriously, I could not make myself do it.

Hannibal Lecter is a monster in human form. Some may argue this movie is more a thriller than horror, but it definitely has some horror elements in it. Enough for me.

2) Zombieland. Because if you’re gonna get scared you might as well laugh while doing it.  I love this movie. I’ll admit I mostly love it because of the survival rules. I was hooked five minutes in with Rule #1: Cardio. The movie that launched a thousand running careers.

1) Let the Right One In. Not only is this a great horror movie, it’s a great movie in general.  I loved it so much I could not bring myself to watch the English remake (“Let Me In”) – so if someone has seen that please let me know how it is. This Swedish film is haunting and beautifully shot and painful to watch. The adolescent actors are a treasure. The horror is actually pretty subtle, but gets into your head and stays with you for a long time. If you haven’t seen it, you should, right away.