The Few, The Proud, The Viperous

Damn it. I shouldn’t be looking forward to this movie. It’s going to suck harder than Tatum Channing in that dream I had the other nigh…

Hey! Look! Viral video for G.I. Joe: Retaliation! LOOK AT IT AND IGNORE EVERYTHING PRECEDING THIS LINE.

Mmmmm. H.I.S.S. Tanks and Rattlers. This is all I wanted in the first movie – wacky military vehicles.

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Fast and Furious: Beyond Thunderdome

Just so we’re clear, the latest (last?) installment of “Fast & Furious” has decided to eschew all reality and just straight up do a “Mad Max” prequel. Right?

Alternate titles for this post include: “Fast & Furious: Battle of the Balds” and “Fast & Furious: We Don’t Need Another Diesel.” Now that I think about it, Vin Diesel and the Rock would be the most kick ass version of Master/Blaster EVER.

New G.I. Joe: Retaliation Trailer Brings the BRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHM

Is there a single trailer in existence that doesn’t use the “Inception” BRAAAHHHHM now? I’m still shocked it wasn’t in “The Hobbit.” Sure, it’s a sneaky BRAAAAHHHHM, silent, like a ninja; but it’s right up front, there’s no getting around it.

It’s Pavlovian at this point – audiences don’t know they’re watching a trailer unless they hear it.

Oh yeah, new “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” trailer. Blah, blah – London has a very bad day care of the business end of the Lance of Longinus. Rock makes fun of Channing Tatum and his crappy, duck-faced catch phrasing. Bruce Willis shoots stuff and blinds people with his bald pate.


Whereas I’d been originally excited as Hell when I saw Cobra Commander in his battle helmet and thought “The bastards might have gotten it right!” The studio’s decision to pull this and release it next year has completely sapped my interest. And this is coming from a guy who owned at least 3 years worth of G.I. Joe toys in the 80s. I’m still more excited for the G.I. Joe Kre-Os than this mess.

The Threeway: Top 3 Things Missing From My Geek Resume (Adam’s Take)

I know I’m a geek. I’m the guy everyone calls when they get that “Star Trek” question in trivia. Need to know the lyrics to the “Silver Spoons” theme song? I’ll sing it to you. Trying desperately to remember which 80s robot with an acronym name was on the show “Small Wonder?” I can give you the breakdown (and remind you of the one from “D.A.R.Y.L.” as well).

But, even I have gaps in the geek resume. It’s like that scene in “Jurassic Park” where they tell you what DNA is – and how there were missing pieces in the Dino Code. If Seth Green or Chris Hardwick are the geek gods, then I’m the DNA offshoot. Instead of a complete code, I meshed in extra “Star Wars” novels or something. Hell, I hadn’t even seen all of “Wizard of Oz” until a few years ago.

So, what’s missing? Continue reading