The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Least Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (The Other Adam’s Take)

3smallAfter last week’s celebration of love, finally another Threeway that I can stand behind.  We needed to do something that brought us out of the clutches of sweet, sticky lovin, and turn back to the dark hate that flows through our veins. Now I can finally use this hate to strike down the three most undeserving characters in a galaxy far, far away.

Hutt3.) The Hutts: While the back story for numerous Hutts are fairly interesting, there’s one simple reason that they should never be allowed to have their own stand-alone film. They’re nasty to look at. No matter how juicy the plot, there’s honestly no way that I could sit in a dark room for two hours looking at an intergalactic space-slug. Not to mention that, while the foam rubber version (which was horrendously grotesque) was an amazing piece of puppetry art; the CGI version (which you know they would use instead of the prior) looked god-awful.

Sorry space gangster, you’re just going to have sit this one out on your throne with your metal bikini-clad lady friend and crunchy frog treats. Continue reading

The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Least Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Anthony’s Take)

3smallSo we got a bit sidetracked last week, what with all the sugar-fueled love (except for my brother who suckles black bile from the teat of the beast every morning); but now it’s time to get back to what we here at Sweep-the-Leg do best.

Crap on completely theoretical concepts.

That right – it’s time to revisit our “Most Deserving Star Wars Stand-Alone” concept and take a walk on the Dark Side. Here are the characters that we hope the mouse shoves into a Sarlacc Pit to digest for a thousand years.

Come here often, do you?

Come here often, do you?

3) Yoda – You know what was awesome about Yoda in the original trilogy? He was this wizened hermit who dispensed ancient wisdom while wielding a power that was completely disproportionate to his appearance. Judge him by his size, we did, and the crotchety green bastard proved us so very wrong. Now, you know what was awesome about Yoda in the prequels? Not a fucking thing. He went from wizened hermit to green Force pinball, who’s grammatically challenged speech seems like more of a pompous affectation (I swear Windu rolls his eyes whenever Yoda starts talking. You can just hear the mental dialogue: “This shit again? Goddamnit, Yoda, you speak Common better than half the Senate. Your name isn’t even ‘Yoda!’ It’s Bob!”). Need to see more of him, we do not. And the first time he makes googly-eyes at some other shrively green whatever he is, I will eviscerate myself with a lightsaber. Continue reading

The Threeway: Top Three Sci-Fi/Fantasy Couples (The Other Adam’s a.k.a. the Valentine’s Day Grinch’s take)

3smallI don’t care for Valentine’s Day, and fortunately I married a woman that cares for it even less than I do. So, while my fellow geeks were eating chocolate covered strawberries while wearing their gold bikinis (looking at you Bro), I was sitting in a dark room brooding over this subject (Ed note: But apparently not enough to copyedit – HEYO).

With a minimum amount of respect, I waited until it was officially not Valentine’s Day to post my dark list of the top 3 worst Sci-Fi/Fantasy couples/relationships. So for your entertainment, I submit a list of lost love and disappointment.

willow and oz#3) WIllow and Oz: As most have stated here, if you’re looking for good relationships, look no further than the Whedonverse. This can also be said for bad ones as well, but the one that always stuck out to me was Willow and Oz. One’s a werewolf and the other is an aspiring witch. Their short love seems to be happy enough; but then Oz ends up cheating on Willow after he boinks another werewolf. To rub salt into the open wound in Willow’s heart, he uses the excuse that he’s the wolf all the time inside (No, that is not a good excuse as to why you crushed the happy, pixie heart of your girlfriend.). He promptly leaves her and Sunnydale to go to Tibet to learn how to control his urges. This, however, is not the reason that this break-up hits number three on my list. When Oz leaves, Willow moves on to Tara, and thus starts the longest rebound relationship that I’ve seen in the Whedonverse. The simple fact is that there’s barely any chemistry between the two characters; and it ends up adding a rather nasty flat spot to, what I feel, is one of the stronger characters in the series. Granted, Whedon eventually kills Tara off, sparking the rage of Willow; but by that time their relationship had grown more stale then a month-old Scooby snack. Continue reading

The Threeway: Top 3 Sci-Fi/Fantasy Couples (Adam’s Take)

3smallIt’s Valentine’s Day. That means we need to roll out the romance. What’s a geek site to do, that publishes lists every Thursday, when Thursday and Valentine’s Day intersect? We populate with Geeky Couples of course!

First, there are some couple that I think are iconic, but don’t make the list. Lois and Clark being the most notable (I just never, ever, really buy into their relationship). Or Riker and Troi (just because you are Imazadi doesn’t mean you have chemistry). Or…whatever their names are in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” (wonderful love story, but if I can’t remember the character names, they can’t make the list).

buffy_angel1#3) Buffy and Angel: I was tempted to put them at #1. But, honestly,the Buffy/Spike fiasco of the later seasons diminishes this couple for me. Like Anthony said, I could make an entire list of Whedon characters: Buffy/Angel, Fred/Gunn, and Wash/Zoe are just a few. Angel/Cordelia, Wes/Lilah, Willow/Oz, Angelus/Darla,  etc., they are all great. I buy into their relationships every time I watch any episode and I’m immediately torn when, inevitably, Joss stabs us with an emotional dagger. The Season 2 finale of “Buffy” (where Angelus turns back to Angel, and now Buffy must send her lover, literally, to hell) was emotionally gut wrenching. Even re-watching it a few years ago it was amazing. TV rarely gets better. Continue reading

The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Most Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Janie’s Take)

3smallI have to admit, I am meh about the whole concept of side-stories in the Star Wars universe. (In any universe, really.) I can barely tolerate subplots within the original movies. The thought of creating an entirely new movie about a character that didn’t even make the first string as a hero seems… Unnecessary. Unimportant.

An obvious attempt to un-brainrape those of us who willingly followed George Lucas into a dark alley on May 16, 1999.

No means no. It does not mean ‘maybe.’ It does not mean ‘come back later.’ It does not mean ‘try a little harder.’ It does not mean ‘Maybe, if I’m a little drunker…’ NO.

But I digress. Kind of.

So even though I am not excited about this Three Way, I know my compatriots have been dreaming/thinking about this for their entire lives. You can feel the glee fairly oozing from Anthony’s pores. (Adam’s too, under the stinky sarcasm.) So I’ll play:

StarWarsOola23) Oola. You know, the green dancer lady in the skimpy outfit in Jabba’s Palace. That’s right, she has a name – remember it: Oola. We all know she ends badly, but how did she get there in the first place? And did her death have some other meaning besides introducing us to the rancor? Enquiring minds want to know. She’s the like the Bree Tanner of Star Wars.  (That’s right, I just included a Twilight reference in a Star Wars post. Suck it.)

2) Boba Fett. An obvious choice. But hell, it’s my avatar people, what do you expect?

1) The Villains of Star Wars. Cause let’s face it: it’s Disney – they’re not just looking for a movie, they’re looking for a ride too.  It won’t be long until Star Wars UniveStarWarsVillainsrse is a full-fledged section of Tomorrowland in Disney World. What better ride could there be than all the villains of the Star Wars universe, based on the hit-movie?  Jabba (complete with rancor and sarlacc), Darth Maul, Darth Sidious, Vader, even Boba Fett, with some stormtroopers and battle droids thrown in.  And, of course, the one who came closest to destroying the universe: Jar Jar Binks.

The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Most Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Adam’s Take)

3smallWe here at the Sweep The Leg were looking for a way to discuss the new Star Wars stand alone movies (one being penned by Lawrence Kasdan). Rumor is a Yoda movie. Meh. Another is that Lucas is pitching a Jabba one. Double Meh (triple in that I want Lucas as far away as possible). Instead of rehashing old news and rumors we thought we’d go a step further. Let’s talk the three characters most deserving of a Stand Alone film (and, I’m going with the theory that Han, Luke, and Leia are “saga only” characters. So, no “Space Solo” or something, although, if I wanted a stand alone Solo film I think Anthony has the best take on it here.):

rogues1) Wedge Antilles – a completely side character who is overshadowed in the Trilogy. But he completely shines in the books. Further adventures of Wedge (and Rogue Squadron) would rock. I loved Stackpole’s (and Allston’s) X-Wing book series (a new one came out last year…mental reminder: need to pick that up) and could make a great stand alone movie. It doesn’t need to follow the books – just the idea of following Wedge and the Rogues. You have a character with some name value (among the core fanbase) and a fleet (in Rogue Squadron) that can have cinematic legs (and get Disney merchandise execs drooling over toy tie-ins). Added bonus, depending on how far in the future Episodes VII, VIII, and IX are, you can seed this movie with back-story for those saga films.

2) Lando – here’s a character with a shadowy back story. We know he’s a gambler and once owned the Falcon but that’s about it (and, yes, I know there is more about him in the books – I just don’t care.) He somehow gets control of a mining community. That’s an interesting transition. I’m intrigued how that happens. The only thing is that I’m sick of prequels (everywhere) so…whereas I like this, I can easily live without it. Although, if we do lando_smoothanother prequel-based movie, how about “Jango Unchained” with an early Jango Fett story? Where he learns to become a Bounty Hunter after being freed from a chain gang (probably by a nice Hutt)? Added bonus if Mace Windu is in it.

3) Someone new. What a cop out! I don’t even name anyone! Go me! Here’s the thing: the sequel trilogy will take place at some point in the future. There will be (ostensibly) new characters. More importantly, there will be new characters introduced in Episode VIII and IX that weren’t in any previous movie (like VII). Why not a full origin or a character (or world, or story line) that is pivotal in the sequel trilogy? For instance, in the original trilogy, there could have been a movie before “Empire” that introduces us to Lando. Or, a movie before “Jedi” that follows Lando/Chewie searching for Han. Things that flesh out the next trilogy, without being a prequel later.

What do you think? Who’s most deserving of a film? Next week we’ll see who is least deserving (and I’ll try and not serious pitch Jar Jar in a remake of “Public Enemy”).

The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Most Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Anthony’s Take)

3smallWith the news this week that Disney is not only giving us a new sequel trilogy but stand-alone character movies in-between…well…I know that there are a lot of Star Wars fans out there who have decided that it would probably be better to just buy new pants than try to salvage the ones they’ve been wearing.

So the news is out; but with none of the delicious details that we geeks crave (well there wasn’t as of the writing of this article…there is now; but that’s not important). So what’s a respectable nerd to do? Why make shit up, of course! I’ve come up with a few good ideas and plenty of bad ideas. Here are some of my favorites for the one-off treatment (don’t worry, you’ll get to see the awful, awful ideas next week).

Cade_Skywalker3. “Cade Skywalker: Legacy of the Jedi” – First stop on this magic mystery tour is from the “Star Wars: Legacy” comics. No! Wait! Come back! It’ll be worth it, I promise!

Still here? Good. Y’see, “Legacy” was one of the better series to come out of Dark Horse Comics’ treatment of the Star Wars universe and Cade Skywalker was one of their better protagonists. Last of the Skywalker line, he’s a drug-addicted smuggler/pirate who struggles to bury rather than develop his Force affinity. He’s swayed by both the Dark and Light side of the Force and you honestly don’t know which he’ll choose as the series progresses. He’s a bit of Han Solo, a very little bit of Luke, and still very much his own character.

DarthDAYUMPlus, Legacy is set hundreds of years of years after “Jedi” so, while it still manages to feel like part of the same universe (jack-booted Imperial officers in black pleather? Check), it has its own distinct personality (Sith masters clad in parasitic bio-armor? That’s new…). It might share a bit too much with the prequels for my liking (a heavily-tattooed red-skinned Sith? SHOCKING.); but I’ve made my peace with the fact that they’re part of canon now. Besides, if they can be utilized to give us something like Darth Talon (that’s her in the Sith-kini over there), well I can’t really complain, can I? Continue reading

You’re a Little Short to be a Stormtrooper: Hasbro Unveils 6-inch Star Wars Figures

Finally realizing that the kids that bought their toys in the 80s are now adults that are STILL buying toys (in the…aughts? …teens? What the hell do we call this decade?); Hasbro has announced that they’re going to be releasing an adult collector line of “Star Wars” figures.

The Black Series will clock in at 6-inches and feature better details and articulation than the (increasingly unarticulated) 3.75-inch figs. And unlike those Hot Toys figures you see coming out of Japan, these will only set you back $20 instead of $200. Yay for mass marketing! The first wave will include X-Wing Luke, R2-D2, Darth Maul (grumble), and an Imperial Sandtrooper.

All we’ve seen so far is Luke; but damn if this isn’t the prettiest Luke action figure I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

Just like Beggar's Canyon back home!

Just like Beggar’s Canyon back home!

If the Sandtrooper looks half as good, I’m buying an entire troop. Release Dewbacks to go with them and I’ll buy a freaking platoon.

J.J. Abrams Confirmed to Direct Star Wars VII. Already Bringing a New Hope.

No3DWarsDespite my misgivings in my (decidedly solo) Threeway the other day; I’m glad that J.J. Abrams officially has the job to helm the Star Wars (don’t call them reboots) sequels. Will the tone be different than what we’re used to from the original trilogy? Definitely; but then so were the prequels and people are still trying to lynch Lucas over those.

And speaking of, there’s this gem from earlier today: Lucasfilm has postponed production on the 3-D versions of Episodes 2 & 3 so as to focus solely on production of Episode VII.

Even if the sequels are nothing but six hours of flashbacks and lens flare, J.J. Abrams has already done more to save the Star Wars franchise than anyone could have ever dreamed.