I was an unapologetic Transformers collector.
The bots covered an entire wall. The collection made people take a step back when they caught sight of it. My wife was the frequent recipient of the “Oh, you poor thing” look. Comparisons to “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” were made. Often.
I lead with this, only because Hasbro made some Transformers announcements at SDCC that made me step back and say “Seriously? You’re going that nerdy?”
Hey, kids! Remember me? Of course you don’t!
First revelation came when they announced they’d be expanding their “Totally-not-LEGO” line of building toys, Kre-O (…sigh), to include blind-bagged Kreon figures (just like the blind-bagged minifigs from that OTHER BUILDING COMPANY THAT THEY’RE TOTALLY NOT COPYING, M’KAY?). That, in and of itself, is not shocking. The Kreons are arguably the best things about the sets (which are decidedly fiddly, can’t stand under their own weight, and blow apart into their component pieces whenever you touch them). No, what’s shocking is that they went deep, deep into the vault for its initial line-up and included characters like Bludgeon. The TL;DR version of that link is this: he’s a robot ninja who’s best idea for hiding his robot form was to put it in a shell that looks like a Skeleton Samurai. Now don’t get me wrong, Bludgeon was tons of fun in the G1 comics and I had the original toy at some point; but he’s the very definition of a fan wank character.
Make another joke about my Daisy Dukes. I dare you.
Adam. You’re a dork.
Rescue would be a fantastic addition to the Iron Man movie-verse (and, yes, that version of the armor WAS introduced a few years ago and it DOES make regular rounds now that Pepper has an Energizer in her chest just like Tony).
Gweneth Paltrow’s Pepper is the secret sauce that makes RDJ’s Tony Stark a complete character. Now, I’m not saying that it’s the greatest cinematic performance of all time. It’s not. But Tony needs a female foil to counteract his Iron Cock-waving bravado. He needs someone to ground him and force him to take a look at things from a less “The world is broken and I just need to fix it.” perspective. And, I’m not going to lie, their scenes make me grin. Paltrow and RDJ have a chemistry on-screen that’s just fun to watch.
But let’s take a look at the bigger problem that Rescue would fix.
Let’s take a look at Gwenyth’s ass.
With Iron Man 3 currently shooting, and SDCC bombarding us with every twist and turn you can shake a geek at, new plot points and factoids are bound to come out. What’s the new armor look like? Who’s the villain? How incredibly awesome will it be to hear Downey spouting off Shane Black dialogue again?
Then you hear the thing that makes you fall to your knees and shriek to the heavens “noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!” The LA Times is floating out the rumor that Pepper Potts may get her own armor in the next installment. WTF? Don’t tell me that it happened in the comics a few years ago (and that her character “Rescue” is a reoccurring character). I don’t care. I care about what will make a good movie. More Gweneth Paltrow is already bad enough. But more Pepper? Saving the day? The only way this is a good idea is if the bad guy shoots her out of the sky and Iron Man goes on fury of vengeance.
What say you? Am I missing the boat here? Or, is this truly a horrible idea?