New G.I. Joe: Retaliation Trailer Brings the BRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHM

Is there a single trailer in existence that doesn’t use the “Inception” BRAAAHHHHM now? I’m still shocked it wasn’t in “The Hobbit.” Sure, it’s a sneaky BRAAAAHHHHM, silent, like a ninja; but it’s right up front, there’s no getting around it.

It’s Pavlovian at this point – audiences don’t know they’re watching a trailer unless they hear it.

Oh yeah, new “G.I. Joe: Retaliation” trailer. Blah, blah – London has a very bad day care of the business end of the Lance of Longinus. Rock makes fun of Channing Tatum and his crappy, duck-faced catch phrasing. Bruce Willis shoots stuff and blinds people with his bald pate.


Whereas I’d been originally excited as Hell when I saw Cobra Commander in his battle helmet and thought “The bastards might have gotten it right!” The studio’s decision to pull this and release it next year has completely sapped my interest. And this is coming from a guy who owned at least 3 years worth of G.I. Joe toys in the 80s. I’m still more excited for the G.I. Joe Kre-Os than this mess.

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Toy Porn: G.I. Kre-O

In advance of next week’s NYCC 2013 toy preview, Hasbro has deemed fit to release the following poster:

I can’t express how much glee this fills me with. Kre-Os recreating the iconic cover of Marvel’s G.I. Joe #1? Kre-O versions of my favorite 80s vehicles (I loved these more than Transformers, which is saying a lot.)?

Between that Scarlett Kre-O and the possibility of a Kre-O Cobra Night Raven, I just can’t stop “squeeeeing.”

Oooh, Shiny: Transformers at SDCC Prove that the Geek Shall Inherit

I was an unapologetic Transformers collector.

The bots covered an entire wall. The collection made people take a step back when they caught sight of it. My wife was the frequent recipient of the “Oh, you poor thing” look. Comparisons to “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” were made. Often.

I lead with this, only because Hasbro made some Transformers announcements at SDCC that made me step back and say “Seriously? You’re going that nerdy?”

Transforms from Tank into Stabby Skull-Faced Monster!

Hey, kids! Remember me? Of course you don’t!

First revelation came when they announced they’d be expanding their “Totally-not-LEGO” line of building toys, Kre-O (…sigh), to include blind-bagged Kreon figures (just like the blind-bagged minifigs from that OTHER BUILDING COMPANY THAT THEY’RE TOTALLY NOT COPYING, M’KAY?). That, in and of itself, is not shocking. The Kreons are arguably the best things about the sets (which are decidedly fiddly, can’t stand under their own weight, and blow apart into their component pieces whenever you touch them). No, what’s shocking is that they went deep, deep into the vault for its initial line-up and included characters like Bludgeon. The TL;DR version of that link is this: he’s a robot ninja who’s best idea for hiding his robot form was to put it in a shell that looks like a Skeleton Samurai. Now don’t get me wrong, Bludgeon was tons of fun in the G1 comics and I had the original toy at some point; but he’s the very definition of a fan wank character.

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