The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Least Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Anthony’s Take)

3smallSo we got a bit sidetracked last week, what with all the sugar-fueled love (except for my brother who suckles black bile from the teat of the beast every morning); but now it’s time to get back to what we here at Sweep-the-Leg do best.

Crap on completely theoretical concepts.

That right – it’s time to revisit our “Most Deserving Star Wars Stand-Alone” concept and take a walk on the Dark Side. Here are the characters that we hope the mouse shoves into a Sarlacc Pit to digest for a thousand years.

Come here often, do you?

Come here often, do you?

3) Yoda – You know what was awesome about Yoda in the original trilogy? He was this wizened hermit who dispensed ancient wisdom while wielding a power that was completely disproportionate to his appearance. Judge him by his size, we did, and the crotchety green bastard proved us so very wrong. Now, you know what was awesome about Yoda in the prequels? Not a fucking thing. He went from wizened hermit to green Force pinball, who’s grammatically challenged speech seems like more of a pompous affectation (I swear Windu rolls his eyes whenever Yoda starts talking. You can just hear the mental dialogue: “This shit again? Goddamnit, Yoda, you speak Common better than half the Senate. Your name isn’t even ‘Yoda!’ It’s Bob!”). Need to see more of him, we do not. And the first time he makes googly-eyes at some other shrively green whatever he is, I will eviscerate myself with a lightsaber. Continue reading


The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Most Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Adam’s Take)

3smallWe here at the Sweep The Leg were looking for a way to discuss the new Star Wars stand alone movies (one being penned by Lawrence Kasdan). Rumor is a Yoda movie. Meh. Another is that Lucas is pitching a Jabba one. Double Meh (triple in that I want Lucas as far away as possible). Instead of rehashing old news and rumors we thought we’d go a step further. Let’s talk the three characters most deserving of a Stand Alone film (and, I’m going with the theory that Han, Luke, and Leia are “saga only” characters. So, no “Space Solo” or something, although, if I wanted a stand alone Solo film I think Anthony has the best take on it here.):

rogues1) Wedge Antilles – a completely side character who is overshadowed in the Trilogy. But he completely shines in the books. Further adventures of Wedge (and Rogue Squadron) would rock. I loved Stackpole’s (and Allston’s) X-Wing book series (a new one came out last year…mental reminder: need to pick that up) and could make a great stand alone movie. It doesn’t need to follow the books – just the idea of following Wedge and the Rogues. You have a character with some name value (among the core fanbase) and a fleet (in Rogue Squadron) that can have cinematic legs (and get Disney merchandise execs drooling over toy tie-ins). Added bonus, depending on how far in the future Episodes VII, VIII, and IX are, you can seed this movie with back-story for those saga films.

2) Lando – here’s a character with a shadowy back story. We know he’s a gambler and once owned the Falcon but that’s about it (and, yes, I know there is more about him in the books – I just don’t care.) He somehow gets control of a mining community. That’s an interesting transition. I’m intrigued how that happens. The only thing is that I’m sick of prequels (everywhere) so…whereas I like this, I can easily live without it. Although, if we do lando_smoothanother prequel-based movie, how about “Jango Unchained” with an early Jango Fett story? Where he learns to become a Bounty Hunter after being freed from a chain gang (probably by a nice Hutt)? Added bonus if Mace Windu is in it.

3) Someone new. What a cop out! I don’t even name anyone! Go me! Here’s the thing: the sequel trilogy will take place at some point in the future. There will be (ostensibly) new characters. More importantly, there will be new characters introduced in Episode VIII and IX that weren’t in any previous movie (like VII). Why not a full origin or a character (or world, or story line) that is pivotal in the sequel trilogy? For instance, in the original trilogy, there could have been a movie before “Empire” that introduces us to Lando. Or, a movie before “Jedi” that follows Lando/Chewie searching for Han. Things that flesh out the next trilogy, without being a prequel later.

What do you think? Who’s most deserving of a film? Next week we’ll see who is least deserving (and I’ll try and not serious pitch Jar Jar in a remake of “Public Enemy”).

The Threeway: Top Three Star Wars Characters that Most Deserve Stand-Alone Movies (Anthony’s Take)

3smallWith the news this week that Disney is not only giving us a new sequel trilogy but stand-alone character movies in-between…well…I know that there are a lot of Star Wars fans out there who have decided that it would probably be better to just buy new pants than try to salvage the ones they’ve been wearing.

So the news is out; but with none of the delicious details that we geeks crave (well there wasn’t as of the writing of this article…there is now; but that’s not important). So what’s a respectable nerd to do? Why make shit up, of course! I’ve come up with a few good ideas and plenty of bad ideas. Here are some of my favorites for the one-off treatment (don’t worry, you’ll get to see the awful, awful ideas next week).

Cade_Skywalker3. “Cade Skywalker: Legacy of the Jedi” – First stop on this magic mystery tour is from the “Star Wars: Legacy” comics. No! Wait! Come back! It’ll be worth it, I promise!

Still here? Good. Y’see, “Legacy” was one of the better series to come out of Dark Horse Comics’ treatment of the Star Wars universe and Cade Skywalker was one of their better protagonists. Last of the Skywalker line, he’s a drug-addicted smuggler/pirate who struggles to bury rather than develop his Force affinity. He’s swayed by both the Dark and Light side of the Force and you honestly don’t know which he’ll choose as the series progresses. He’s a bit of Han Solo, a very little bit of Luke, and still very much his own character.

DarthDAYUMPlus, Legacy is set hundreds of years of years after “Jedi” so, while it still manages to feel like part of the same universe (jack-booted Imperial officers in black pleather? Check), it has its own distinct personality (Sith masters clad in parasitic bio-armor? That’s new…). It might share a bit too much with the prequels for my liking (a heavily-tattooed red-skinned Sith? SHOCKING.); but I’ve made my peace with the fact that they’re part of canon now. Besides, if they can be utilized to give us something like Darth Talon (that’s her in the Sith-kini over there), well I can’t really complain, can I? Continue reading

Nothing Can Stop the Mouse – Disney to Buy Your Childhood for $1

What do you love? What childhood property do you cherish?

The mouse wants it.

Strictly rumor-bait at this point (albeit rumor-bait from “very well-placed sources” who “are close to the parties involved”); Disney is reportedly in preliminary negotiations to buy Hasbro.

So Transformers, G.I. Joe, My Little Pony – huge chunks of the toy aisles – could soon be in the mouse’s gloved grasp.

It makes sense – Hasbro currently makes toys for both Marvel and Star Wars, so getting them “on board,” so to speak, is in Disney’s best interests. That Transformers and G.I. Joe – two of my beloved childhood properties could get swept up in the deal…well, neither has been treated all that well in the past few years, so maybe Disney could bring some order to the brands. Still…I’m wary.

Lucas to Donate Proceeds of Merger to Fund Education

As much grief as I’ve given George Lucas over the years (or…um…earlier today), I will readily admit that he is a good human being who has a deep interest in creating a better future for our children. He founded the George Lucas Educational Foundation a while back and made a very public pledge in 2010 that he would turn his eye increasingly towards philanthropy.

Along those lines, he has announced that he would be donating the majority of the $4.05 billion that he will directly receive from the merger (since he is the 100% owner of Lucasfilm and the company carries little to no debt) and put it towards education.

Somewhat shockingly, there is a lot of snark and cynicism over this decision (because it’s the internet and most people adhere to the Greater Internet Fuckwad theory); but I would like to be genuine…just for a second.

Thank you, George, not only for your generosity, but for giving us a shining example of how to live.

The Threeway: Things We Want to See from Disney/Lucasfilm Merger (Anthony’s Take)

While I might not be quite as giddy about the Disney/Lucasfilm merger as my compatriot (though I argue that few could reach his level of fervor); I’m still overjoyed to see my favorite properties ripped from Lucas’ midget/amputation fetishist hands (Seriously, if the man could have made all of “Jedi” nothing but Ewoks running around and cutting each other’s arms off, he would have).

A lot of what I want has already been hinted at or announced, so let’s break down what’s got me hot and bothered and what could send me into a rapturous geek fit. (Any and all similarities to Adam’s list are unintentional…even though it appears I copied him entirely.)

3) Episode VII – When I first heard that Disney wanted a new Star Wars movie by 2015, I assumed that they would be shoe-horning even more narrative into the increasingly packed timeframe between the trilogies. When I heard that we would finally be lighting off into the unknown territory AFTER the original trilogies, I was ecstatic. Lucas has said that he “always” had treatments for Episodes 7-9. I don’t know that I necessarily believe that; but by now he certainly has something down. And one thing that Lucas is great at is coming up with ideas that are otherworldly and familiar at the same time. What he’s not so great at anymore is translating those ideas to screen. So his ideas of “what happened next” to the characters he originally saw as the stars of this universe, paired with some solid directorial talent…? Where’s the line start? I’ll be first.

2) Indiana Jones and the Journey into that Long Goodnight – Please, for all that is holy, let Indy go. Maybe make a cartoon about “Young Indy” or even release a game that keeps the property alive; but let’s just agree that Harrison Ford had an amazing run and shouldn’t have to don the fedora again (unless he’s doing it for kinky reasons…which, can you blame him?).

1) Star Wars Land – Adam took the more logical, rational route in that he suggested Disney revitalize Hollywood Studios with Star Wars properties. For me, that is not nearly far enough. There are several undeveloped parcels of land on property in Orlando that could be used to create an entire Star Wars theme park. I’ve seen what the Imagineers can do with a teeny corner of a park (that AT-AT gets me every single time I round the bend); I want to walk through the ships and locales that I’ve only seen on screen. There could be Empire and Rebellion themed sections! They could base the sections on the various planets! Hell, they could even put a dumpster out back and label it “Prequels.” I would never, ever leave.


The Threeway: Things We Want to See from Disney/Lucasfilm Merger (Adam’s Take)

I’ve been giddy for a few days now. The Disney/Lucasfilm announcement…it’s like Christmas and Halloween had a baby. I’m a big Disney fan and grew up on a steady diet of “Star Wars” and “Indiana Jones.” I’m the kid that obsessed over that giant ILM book back in the day. I bought a LaserDisc player just to have the original Trilogy in unedited, digital form.

Thus, I have some thoughts on this buyout. I have a list of desires longer than a Wookie’s arm. Here are the Top 3:

1) Episodes VII, VIII, and IX. This was part of the announcement and I am totally on board. Even more, I’m OK with Lucas serving as a creative consultant. The problem with the Prequels wasn’t Lucas, it was that no one said “no” to Lucas. No one was there to keep him in check. He isn’t a writer. He isn’t a director. He is a storyteller though. The story, the concept, that was his gift (that and business management, apparently). Allow him to breath some life into the idea and then PASS IT OFF.

I want a solid core creative team involved (NOTE: Not Seth Green). A team that can do the story design, writing, etc., and then team with solid directors to bring it to life. It’s too bad that Joss Whedon is tied up (at Disney, oddly) with Marvel Phase 2, because he would be perfect. I don’t want Nolan either. Or Bryan Singer (who just signed back onto “X-Men”). I don’t think I want Favreau either.

There a few people I’d be OK with, but the top of the list is Spielberg. I know, I’m a devoted worshiper and I’m blinded. But Disney just made his one of his long time producers, Kathleen Kennedy, President of Lucasfilm and he was BFF with George. Announcing him as director…I’d explode like the Death Star in the Special Edition.

2) Some “Indiana Jones” love. Whereas “Star Wars” has stayed alive and become commonplace in theaters (new movies, re-releases), TV (“Clone Wars”), game, action figures, etc., Indy is regulated to pretty much the back room. I’m not saying I need another film. But, a “Clone Wars” style cartoon could be interesting. An Indy ride at Disney World would be nice. Something.

1) “Star Wars” Land at Disney World. Last year when Disney announced “Avatar”-land for the Animal Kingdom I was confused. I guess Pandora can fit into the Animal Kingdom, but it seems like a waste of money. Disney is grasping at a straw to combat Universal expanding the incredibly popular “Harry Potter” world. Then it dawned on me – Disney should make a “Star Wars” land. But, putting that much money into something they didn’t own doesn’t fit their M.O.

Now, however, they can. Licensing fees would be easy to arrange. They already have Star Tours at the Studios. Plus, they blow that place up for “Star Wars” Weekends every May/June; Hollywood Studios gets overrun with fans every year. So, obviously, there is demand. They could easily retrofit some parts of the Studios while creating new attractions. Some free food for thought for the Imagineers:

  1. Turn the SciFi Diner into Mos Eisley.
  2. Retrofit Pizza Planet for a “Star Wars” theme.
  3. Use the space for the “Muppets” to create a new “Star Wars” attraction (NOTE – I love the MuppetVision 4D show – but its time has gone).
  4. Take out the “Pearl Harbor” esque opening of the backlot tour and replace with something “Star Wars” or ILM focused.
  5. Have a “Star Wars” themed character breakfast.
  6. Replace “Once Upon a Toy” (at Downtown Disney) with a “Star Wars” store

Essentially, use the assets to bring new experiences to the Parks. This was a great start:

Darth Disney


That sentence should break the Internet. WTH? Disney just threw $4 BILLION at King George and walked away with the Holy Trinity (and those other movies). Oh, and they say they want a new “Star Wars” movie in theaters in 2015 (and Lucas will only consult on it).

Even if the movie never happens – this is a MAJOR acquisition for Disney. The Merchandising and Theme Park rights alone should give them plenty to play with. When Disney announced “Avatar” land (or whatever) for Animal Kingdom I was perplexed. Why not arrange a deal with Lucas to do a Star Wars themed park? Looks like they were a step ahead of me.

I’m optimistic. I’m giddy. I’m sure to be let down, but in the mean time…


UPDATE 1: Disney is getting full control of everything. “Star Wars,” LucasFilm, “Indiana Jone,” LucasArts, Industrial Lights & Magic (ILM), etc. The bought the entire Lucas farm.

UPDATE/Question 2 – Does this make Princess Leia a Disney Princess? Cuz, Slave Leia fits in sooooo well.

Toy Porn: Super Mecha Disney Team – TRANSFORM!

Japan, birthplace of all things Transformers, has once again proven that there’s no concept that they can’t Japanify into a total conglomeration of “What the holy fuck?”

A couple years back, they introduced Disney Transformers. There was a Mickey that turned into…something?  Maybe there was a Donald? I have the vaguest of recollections because it didn’t appeal to me on any level. While I love Transformers, the classic Disney characters have never been my bag.

So news that Bandai (creators of Gundam, not Transformers, incidentally) was revitalizing the line didn’t do much for me until I saw what the they were revitalizing it into… Continue reading