I pretty much hate Christmas. It’s true. I pay people to wrap my family’s presents, I reconfigure my radio channel pre-sets during the holiday season so I don’t accidently hear every superstar from the 80s sing “Feed the World,” and I’ve never seen any of the Santa Clause movies. (Okay, maybe that last one isn’t so bad).
Grinch. Scrooge. Bee-yatch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve been called all the Christmas insults.
So, I’m happy to offer my 3 Worst Christmas Specials Evah! No problem.
3. Nester the Long Eared Christmas Donkey. Cause nothing says Christmas like a story about a the death of a mother. Think Bambi (dead mommy) meets Dumbo (big-assed ears) and cross it with Rudolph (verbal abuse of peers) and you have this craptastic claymation special from 1977. I’m sure A1 or A2 are going to call me a heartless bitch for saying it’s not wonderful, but whatever. Rankin & Bass should’ve stuck with The Year Without A Santa Claus.
2. And speaking of… did you know there was a live-action remake of The Year Without a Santa Claus. No? Well you probably did at one time, but your traumatized brain blocked it out. Maybe this will help you:
Don’t send me the therapy bills; I’m still paying for my own.
1. The Star Wars Holiday Special. You can watch Adam’s clip if you really want to experience just a bit of how truly awful this special is. I’m a pretty big Star Wars fan, but somehow I survived until I was 38 years old without ever seeing this…train-wreck. If only I could go back to that sweet, innocent time of my past.
Here is where this becomes a cautionary tale about Facebook. A couple years ago I mentioned on FB that I had never seen the Star Wars Holiday Special. An ex-boyfriend of mine from high school – who I thought had long gotten over me breaking up with him – said he would be glad to send it to me, that he couldn’t believe I had never seen it, that I would love it!
What I thought was a kind gesture of friendship and forgiveness was actually that motherfucker telling me that he still, and forever more would, hate me.
If we were ever keeping score, he wins. There’s no greater damage that can be done than subjecting an unsuspecting Star Wars fan to the Holiday Special with zero warning. Well-played, indeed.
Star Wars Holiday Special: the reason I hate Christmas.