I consider myself a Good Geek. I have doted on properties till I knew minutia that made other geeks back away in awe (or more likely fear). You want to know what the Transformer’s favorite bar is? Maccadam’s Old Oil House, of course. You want to know what ninja clan Snake Eyes was a member of? The Arashikage Clan! EVERYONE knows that (except Adam). You want to know in what episode of “My Little Pony” Jon de Lancie showed up playing what was essentially their version of Q? …OK, fine, no one wants to know that last one. BUT I STILL KNOW IT!
But I am but one geek. I can’t know everything. Still, these omissions haunt me. This is my confession.
3) Halo – Listening to NPR yesterday, they had an article about the release of “Halo 4.” I tuned it out mostly until they mentioned that people have called Halo “this generation’s ‘Star Wars.'” That gave me pause. I remember Halo when it came out – I spent a good 20 minutes pissing off my buddy because I wouldn’t stop running him over with a Warthog (and then strafing him with a stolen Ghost). But it didn’t strike me as a particularly deep property. What a difference eleven years makes. Besides the ridiculous amount of video games that have been developed in the universe, there are board games, comics, toys, and a deep well of lore that would make most nerds salivate. But for me, Halo will only ever be the game where I made a grown man break his controller in rage.
2) Star Wars: The Clone Wars – Now let’s be clear, I’m not talking about Tartakovsky’s “Clone Wars” shorts. Those were animation GOLD and possibly the greatest (or only good) thing to come out of the prequels. No, this is the money grab “We have no more new movies, let’s cram a new continuity in-between the second and third movies” cartoon that came out after the last prequel. Initially, I actively avoided this because Tartakovsky did Clone Wars better and, in typical Lucas fashion, he was cut out and his style aped (poorly) once King George realized people liked it better than what he’d come up with. I was tempted to check it out when I heard they were actually doing a good job characterizing the “nameless” clones that littered the landscape in Episodes II and III and that there was some solid world building going on. Then Lucas got wind of Popular Things Being Done that Weren’t His Idea and reinserted himself into the process, forcing the resurrection of Darth Maul (and the death of the character that had been created as his amalgam since Lucas had initially stomped his feet and said they couldn’t use Maul). I love Star Wars; but there’s just too infighting and Bantha poo polishing for me to buy in.
1) Battlestar Galactica – I think I still might have my friend’s DVD set of the first season of this somewhere. “You HAVE to watch it!” he said. And I wanted to! I intended to! Hell, I think I actually did watch most of the first season. Then I…lost interest. There was the miniseries that I’d missed that fleshed out the backstory and SciFi (or SyFy or SOOFEE or whatever the Hell they’re calling themselves) in its infinite wisdom refused to rebroadcast it or release DVDs. Being an OCD nerd, that knowledge gap gnawed at me. I just knew, even while watching the few episodes I did see, that I was missing connections. That those lingering glances or cryptic utterances were obviously referencing some obscure moment from the miniseries that I would know IF ONLY I COULD WATCH IT. It eventually drove me away from the series entirely and my parting image is Adama bleeding out on the bridge after an assassination attempt. I hear tell that they eventually found Earth, or that everyone was a Cylon, or that Newhart awoke and it was all a wacky dream. But alas, I could only watch the nerd rage from the outside; understanding why they cried, but knowing it was something I could never do.