I’m a big candy guy (who isn’t). The problem is that I’m a boring candy guy. I like what I like, regardless of whether it is Halloween or not. Plus, I’m picky, so I usually hate variety offshoots of stuff (like Halloween Oreos, for instance. I know that’s not candy, but they prove the point, and I just saw their hideousness staring at me at Walmart). I also don’t like most Holiday-themed treats. I don’t like Candy Corn, Peeps, or whatever candy item is associated with Christmas. I also eat candy…strangely.
Well curmudgeon man, what are your favorite Halloween candies?
#3 – Twix. I’m a sucker for anything caramel. Or anything with a cookie. Twix has them both! Added bonus, I like to deconstruct candy in stages. So, a Twix bar can last awhile. I’ll eat the top chocolate and caramel first. I then nibble the chocolate off the sides. Finally I put it out of its misery by eating the cookie. Some say this is a torturous way to eat a piece of candy. Glorious.
#2 – Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – Why? Because there is no wrong way, to eat a Reese’s. Much like Twix bars, I eat these in stages too. I nibble off the edges first. Then, i do my best to eat the top layer of chocolate. Then the bottom. So, I’m left with a gooey peanut butter blob. Then I eat that. Yea, I know, I have food issue. Glorious.
#1 – Nerds. Specifically those little boxes of Nerds. I eat them like a candy shot. Rip open the top and slam the entire box at once. Then, to make the experience last, I shove all the Nerds into the top parts of my cheeks (like a chipmunk) and I slowly suck on them – extracting all the artificial flavor that I can. This is a painstaking process that can last a good 10 minutes if I’m lucky. Some say it is a disgusting way to eat a box of candy. Glorious.