The Threeway: Best Halloween Candies (Adam’s Take)

If there was ever a Threeway that I was set up to fail – this is it. How’s that for a lead? Dear readers – read this! I’m declaring this article suck mountain!

I’m a big candy guy (who isn’t). The problem is that I’m a boring candy guy. I like what I like, regardless of whether it is Halloween or not. Plus, I’m picky, so I usually hate variety offshoots of stuff (like Halloween Oreos, for instance. I know that’s not candy, but they prove the point, and I just saw their hideousness staring at me at Walmart). I also don’t like most Holiday-themed treats. I don’t like Candy Corn, Peeps, or whatever candy item is associated with Christmas. I also eat candy…strangely.

Well curmudgeon man, what are your favorite Halloween candies?

#3 – Twix. I’m a sucker for anything caramel. Or anything with a cookie. Twix has them both! Added bonus, I like to deconstruct candy in stages. So, a Twix bar can last awhile. I’ll eat the top chocolate and caramel first. I then nibble the chocolate off the sides. Finally I put it out of its misery by eating the cookie. Some say this is a torturous way to eat a piece of candy. Glorious.

#2 – Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – Why? Because there is no wrong way, to eat a cross sectionReese’s. Much like Twix bars, I eat these in stages too. I nibble off the edges first. Then, i do my best to eat the top layer of chocolate. Then the bottom. So, I’m left with a gooey peanut butter blob. Then I eat that. Yea, I know, I have food issue. Glorious.

#1 – Nerds. Specifically those little boxes of Nerds. I eat them like a candy shot. Rip open the top and slam the entire box at once. Then, to make the experience last, I shove all the Nerds into the top parts of my cheeks (like a chipmunk) and I slowly suck on them – extracting all the artificial flavor that I can. This is a painstaking process that can last a good 10 minutes if I’m lucky. Some say it is a disgusting way to eat a box of candy. Glorious.

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11 thoughts on “The Threeway: Best Halloween Candies (Adam’s Take)

  1. I eat Swiss Cake Rolls the same way you eat Twix. Actually, I eat Twix the same way you eat Twix. I’m sending my husband this link so he can see I’m not the only one who can’t just straight out eat a dessert.

    • I eat Swiss Cake Rolls that way too. I eat off the flaky chocolate. Then I unravel them. Then lick out the filling, followed by the rest. Glorious.

      I also dissect Nutty Bars and Kit Kats in similar fashion (to Twix).

  2. Let’s discuss the proper way to eat Little Debbie Fudge brownies. First you pick off the nuts and eat them. Then you peel off the chocolate frosting and eat that. Once the first two things have been completed then, and only then, can you eat the brownie itself.

    • Honestly…I’ve never had one (I stick to Nutty Bars, Star Crunches and Swiss Cake Rolls). But I believe you described the way I would eat them.

  3. Apparently Adams share the same brain when it comes to candy. I would have picked the same three myself. Of course my order would have been as follows.

    3. Nerds
    2. Reeses
    1. Twix

    I love Twix more than a panda loves bamboo, and on the occasions I find a dark chocolate Twix, I lock myself in small room and hiss at anyone who approaches me.

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