Friday Diversion (Wednesday “Halloween Is Better With Axes” Edition): Axe Cop Halloween!

Here at Sweep-the-Leg we know that work time is precious. A time to put your head down and get be productive. Work harder, get ahead.

Well…then there’s Friday afternoon. We all need a diversion on Friday afternoons. So, here’s your Friday Diversion (and, as always, we can’t promise that these are all SFW, but we’ll try).

Today’s diversion…it’s Halloween, so what better way to celebrate than to post this “Ask Axe Cop” short. Remember, kids, Wolvye are immune to garlic, sunlight, and silver bullets. The only thing that can defeat them is poison candy.

FYI, this is based on the awesome “Ask Axe Cop” comic found here.

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PSA (Halloween Edition): Click-Clack the Rattlebag

A few years back, Neil Gaiman decided he would start a new Halloween tradition, All Hallow’s Read. Instead of giving away gobs of processed sugar, he (and those brave enough to follow him) would give away scary (but not too scary) books to kids. If you were more inclined to give things away to an older crowd; well you could give scary (and these much more so) books to teens (and adults too).

In the spirit of the later, Gaiman teamed up with Audible to release a new scary short story, “Click-Clack the Rattlebag.” It’s a free download from Audible; with every download counting as a donation to DonarsChoose.org. It’s a quick listen and it will set the mood perfectly for your haunts this evening.

Just make sure you pay attention to the dark when you listen.

Darth Disney

DISNEY JUST BOUGHT LUCASFILM.

That sentence should break the Internet. WTH? Disney just threw $4 BILLION at King George and walked away with the Holy Trinity (and those other movies). Oh, and they say they want a new “Star Wars” movie in theaters in 2015 (and Lucas will only consult on it).

Even if the movie never happens – this is a MAJOR acquisition for Disney. The Merchandising and Theme Park rights alone should give them plenty to play with. When Disney announced “Avatar” land (or whatever) for Animal Kingdom I was perplexed. Why not arrange a deal with Lucas to do a Star Wars themed park? Looks like they were a step ahead of me.

I’m optimistic. I’m giddy. I’m sure to be let down, but in the mean time…

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU.

UPDATE 1: Disney is getting full control of everything. “Star Wars,” LucasFilm, “Indiana Jone,” LucasArts, Industrial Lights & Magic (ILM), etc. The bought the entire Lucas farm.

UPDATE/Question 2 – Does this make Princess Leia a Disney Princess? Cuz, Slave Leia fits in sooooo well.

Angry Wars: The Video!

Continuing on my journey to self-loathing, I am 100% unable to watch this video without grinning. Is it the deeply wrong romantic attraction between the Luke & Leia birds? Is it Leia’s “love lasers?” Is it Pigsken Raiders? Is it shoddily built AT-AT’s that collapse with the slightest nudge of their legs?

Yes. All of it. Yes.

Movie Quote Monday

This one should be a no brainer as we hit the last Monday in October.

I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply evil.

You know the rules. But, since I don’t think anyone can quote this movie (but everyone will know what it is), instead, leave a comment regarding the first time you ever saw it.

Sunday Showdown: AFI vs IMDb #87

Continuing my weekly battle between the American Film Institute (the scholars) and the Internet Movie Database (the masses). This week:

#87: 12 Angry Men(AFI) vs Inglourious Basterds (IMDb)

Quinton Tarantino – Such a Basterd

The one thing I love about Inglourious Basterds is Brad Pitt’s pronunciation of Nazis: Nat-zees.  Really this film was more of a social experiment than anything else: is the highly-graphic, utterly-gratuitous Tarantino-esque violence more acceptable if it portrayed against the Nat-zees rather than some poor kid named Marvin in the back of a car?

I was pretty okay with it until the David Bowie music video about 2/3 of the way through.  But Tarantino has always been known for his complete disregard for cinematic rules… so I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.   You always know what to expect with Q.T.: a spit in the face to all things normal.

Regardless, how do you compare Inglourious Basterds to 12 Angry Men?  Definitely no graphic, gratuitous violence in 12 Angry Men (and seriously, in comparison to Basterds they really don’t seem that angry).   Unfortunately, I’ve used 12 Angry Men too many times as a group dynamics-teaching exercise in my college classes to really see it as an award-winning film any longer.

12 Ang… Zzzzzzzzz…

12 Angry Men shows back up as #8 on the IMDb list – totally unbelievable to me, especially for IMDb. It definitely won’t win as #8. I’m not even going to choose it as #87.  That’s right; this week I’m going with sheer entertainment value over award-winningness. 

Maybe if Henry Fonda could’ve worked the word Nat-zees in there, the results would’ve been different.

So IMDb gets a vote — bringing the overall count to AFI – 10, IMDb – 4. Next week  2001: A Space Odyssey (the movie I love to hate) and Platoon.

Friday Diversion (Saturday Edition): Happy Hallozombmas

With Halloween almost here, and more importantly the day after Halloween when all the leftover candy get’s knocked down to 50% off or more. We’re already being barraged by snowmen and Santa paraphernalia; I know here in Atlanta stores have been putting out Christmas stuff out since the end of September, SEPTEMBER! While some say this is just a ploy to sell more Christmas stuff. I think it’s because “The Man” is trying to make one giant, mutant, soul sucking, food gorging, gift buying, holiday.

One may wonder what this crazed mutant hybrid may look like, but I think this week’s video by Sufjan Stevens may hold the answer. It has something for everyone, family, zombies, Santa, Frosty, and a nice hat tip to “Evil Dead.”

So sit down, relax, and enjoy a nice glass of brainnog. Also make sure kiddies who believe in Santa are out of eyesight of this fluffy vid.

The Threeway: Most Inappropriate “Sexy” Costumes (Janie’s Take)

First of all, I want to say I think this is an asinine Threeway. BECAUSE THERE ARE NO INAPPROPRIATE SEXY COSTUMES WHEN IT COMES TO HALLOWEEN. I say: get your inner slut on, ladies.

Of course, anybody who knows me is not actually surprised to hear those words come out of my mouth. But really there’s not much of a need for words in this post, because it’s not like anyone is reading them. If you are, you’re really missing the point, silly person.

And A1 secretly likes all these costumes. Don’t let his “Moral Brigade” post fool you. He would dress his wife up as Sexy Chucky any day.

Before I start I would like to give an Honorable Mention to the “Pocahottie” Pocahontas costume I found. The costume wasn’t memorable. But – “Pocahottie.” Smirk. Giggle. Love it.

#3 Sexy TMNT  – This one is actually for A1 because he was so traumatized that our site gets so many hits from people searching for TMNT porn.  This ought to help.

 

 

 

#2 Because let’s face it. Robin was always a bitch anyway.

#1 Pop quiz, hot shot: could you really take Burt and Ernie home and do all sorts of terribly wonderful things (the braids, oh Gawd, the braids!!) and not be scarred for life every time the Sesame Street theme came on? What do you do? What do you do?

The Threeway: Most Inappropriate “Sexy” Costumes (Anthony’s Take)

Ooops! Looks like The Threeway is a little late this week. To make it up to you, we’re going to give you nerds what you want (based on the often horrifying search phrases you use to find our site): sexy costumes.

But not just any sexy costumes, mind you! These are the most mind-bendingly inappropriate costumes that a person could shamefully drape themselves in. We’re talking things like Sexy Pebbles (the baby from Flintstones), Sassy Big Bird, and Sexy Strawberry Shortcake. (And I’m sorry ladies, but do you know what’s the exact opposite of sexy? Every off-the-shelf men’s costume ever. I tried, but they all just looked like oversized children’s costumes.)

Oh, and suffice to say, if you find any of these arousing, you are a horrible, horrible person and should probably go get counseling immediately.

3) Sassy Bumblebee – I admit, there were costumes that were much worse than this, but I chose this one mostly because of the model’s face. She doesn’t even know how to make this sexy! You can just hear the internal dialogue “Really? This is what gets you hot and bothered? REALLY? …fucking nerds.”

 

 

2) Sassy Bambi – Because you know what men find attractive? Underage forest animals who watched their mother get shot to death in front of them. Rowrrrrrr.

 

 

1) Naughty Nem-Oh – No. Just…no. Ladies, I’m going to give you some advice. You wear this at a party and some guy starts eyeing you, then invites you back to his aquarium? You kick him in the junk and run away. Immediately.

 

 

 

 

BONUS ROUND!

Just because there wasn’t quite enough nightmare fuel in this list (it is a Halloween list, after all), here’s Sexy Chucky; because…oh, Ill be fucked if I know.

Sweet dreams, sickos!

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Triple Bypass

Ever want to taste a Hobbit Hole? Feel like sucking down a smoothie from Bilbo’s berries?

Well you’re in luck, you sick pervert, because now you can fulfill all your horrifying Middle-Earth sexual fantasies and give your arteries another coat of lacquer at the same time. Just go to Denny’s and partake of what might be the worst movie tie-in ever.

Expanding “The Hobbit” to three movies, I can be alright with that. This just feels tawdry.