The Threeway: Top Hair Metal Bands (Janie’s Take)

Well, Anthony is fired due to his lack of 80s hair band prowess.  We’ll be replacing him with a five-year-old girl who can provide more knowledge and insight about pop culture issues outside of comic books.

80s Hair Bands. [Doesn’t everybody miss the good ol’ days when some poor sap in the audience had to hold his girlfriend on his shoulders for a 2 hour concert? Even 78 pounds gets heavy after a while. Ahhh, true love.] There are lots of minor prophets that can, and should, be mentioned when discussing 80s Hair Bands: Cinderella, Warrant, Winger, Skid Row, and …Nelson (just so Anthony feels included). But none of those deserve top three billing.

Adam says Motley Crue doesn’t count as a hair band because they weren’t glam.  Ummm… no, not at all.

#3 – Poison. Regardless, Crue doesn’t make my top three because I basically get them confused with Poison who I think is a much more listener-friendly band.  I loved Poison and Bret Michaels was always the best looking of all the hair band front-men.

#2  Bon Jovi. Adam says Bon Jovi doesn’t count as a Hair Band because they’re still going strong today. Well, I disagree. Not with them still having a great and respectable career, they have that, but just because they have transcended the Hair Band label doesn’t mean they weren’t a Hair Band.  In fact, they were the quintessential Hair Band. Slippery When Wet… really that album started it all, at least for me. I still remember my first boyfriend quoting “You Give Love a Bad Name” to me when I broke up with him.  Ah, young love.

#1 Def Leppard. Seriously, one of my favorite bands of all time, bar none.  Certain, ahem …people don’t like Def Leppard. Admittedly, they didn’t necessarily look like most of the traditional Hair Bands. And the drummer from Def Leppard’s only got one arm. But the songs, oh the songs:  Love Bites, Hysteria, Let’s Get Rocked, Photograph, Animal, Rock of Ages, Foolin’,  Armageddon It… And the best of all:


4 thoughts on “The Threeway: Top Hair Metal Bands (Janie’s Take)

  1. You two have officially given more thought to this topic in two posts than I have in an entire lifetime. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be over in the corner listening to “Boys Don’t Cry” and cutting myself.

  2. The problem is that every DL song sounds exactly the same. And, none of it good (except Pour Some Sugar on me (or “Powder Sugar On Me” as my 5 year old sings it)). Armageddon It, Let’s Get Rocked, Hysteria, etc. They’re all the same. Not a fan.

    Bon Jovi… they are a holy entity. They transcend. It just is.

  3. I always assumed that the litmus test for any hair band was that, on the requisite “Glamor Shots” album cover, you had to do a double-take for at least one member to make sure they weren’t actually a girl.

    If that’s the case, then Adam’s right – Bon Jovi doesn’t qualify.

    • Thank you… of course, that Crue cover Janie posted then puts them in the running. DAMN! Who know defining the Hair Movement was so hard?

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