And, let me tell you, when a movie nerd is telling a comic nerd that there’s hot new news he needs to cover…let’s just say I had to reassess some priorities.
One of these really isn’t a spoiler (unless you’ve been on an internet sabbatical), but involves some pretty big names; the other is deeply obscure, but possibly farther reaching. Join me after the jump to soak in the nerd rage.
First off, Superman and Wonder Woman are doin it. I suppose it makes sense, if only from a physiological perspective…though since Martian Manhunter is supposed be equal in strength/durability to Supes, I think he’d fare best as a super…um…receptacle. ‘shipping aside; I’ve stayed away from DC ever since they did their ridiculous “We’re losing the legal rights to Superman’s original origins, lets cook up a new one and shitcan all our continuity in the process” New 52 reboot. The costume designs are uninspired (when they’re not downright offensive) and the continuity implementation deeply uneven. Wondy and Supes pairing up…Lois and Clark aside, Wonder Woman and Batman aside (not that they ever did, except in alternate universes)…it just goes so in the face of everything we know about these characters that it smacks of a publicity stunt that’s just going to be retconned away.
Speaking of retcons. Did you hear the one about Wolverine being a descendant from a line of, not mutant humans, but mutant wolves? No? Good, then you missed Jeph Loeb’s execrable previous run on Wolverine. And if you did, and you liked it, too fucking bad, because he immediately dismisses everything he established in a single panel of the latest Wolverine run. So now Wolvie’s not a wolf boy (which is good because Wolvie is short for Wolverine not…um…Wolferine). But he DID create the entire Weapon X program that pumped him full of adamantium and turned him into an unkillable walking Cuisinart. What? No, I’m serious. Go see the Bleeding Cool article for the run down. I’d usually say maybe this is just a tease – but it’s Loeb, he’s not known for having any subtlety at all. And I’d say I was worried, and not just because that ridiculous Romulus has a physically impossible thumb claw; except this is Loeb, and Marvel, if they have to, they’ll go so far as to make a deal with the fucking devil to retcon Spider-man’s marriage.
They’ve never known how to deal with Wolverine and his long life/troubled continuity. They’ve never had an endgame for the character. And with Logan’s Etch-A-Sketch memory, there’s no way this new wrinkle will stick either. They’ll sift through the deritus at the end of the event and keep what’s shiny – like when Wolvie devolved and we got the bone claws that are canon today; but we ditched the no-nose look he sported. I just miss the days when Wolvie would drink beer, kill ninjas, and smoke cigars, like the foul-tempered Batman-amalgam antihero he was.